GuitarMan47's Blog

Okay.. so I guess I am being a little bitch today, but I don't like who I am when I drink. I am just crazy, even though I have a good time, I know that it is just wrong ot go out and get lit. I know some you will say, what is the big deal with that ? It is a bad habit, and I do mean a habit. I just feel scummy after I do something like that and I know it is bad for me.

Here I am at work another day, my boss is being is normal asshole self. I guess I should be used to it by now, but I cannot wait until the day that I can tell him goodbye. Someone once told me to be careful about wishing for a enw boss, because the next one may be worse. I am sure that there is truth to that, but I do have a rough one. He never sets clear expecatations and never rewards you for doing a good job. It is just part of your job if you go above and beyond the call of duty. Everyone thinks he is an ass, but no one challenges him much, maybe that why he is an ass, to keep people from challenging him. The problem is that one say he is nice the next day or hour he will just stomp all over you. He is not a very good people person. So I have had this 23 girl interested in me lately, what gives with that. I have to admit that I like the attention, and like to feel like I haven't lost my mojo. She is actually really cute too and a grad student. I won't do anything about it, but it sure is nice to have someone show interest in me. I have tons of homework due tonight. I am going to try to get cracking on it today in my free time. That will give me a leg up so I don't have to spend all night working on it. I hate it when I am up until midnight trying to complete something like that. I have a 9 page paper due, but I am usually pretty good about be able to write reems of pages on a paper. Just wait when I am in the Graduate program it will be worse. I went tanning yesterday, I know it sounds gay, but I like it, I like being tan and fit. I have been weightlifting lately and I am actually getting pretty buff, at least I think I am. I am still a fat old fart, but that is okay, tan fat is prettier than white fat. LOL

I am so into lately being myself, it is a great feeling. I can just be who I am, without worrying about impressing most people. I mean don't get me wrong, I still have tact and try to do the right thing at work and I guess there will always be a part of me that is a little bit of the "on" person, that I have to be at work or in some social aspects. I think that we are all turning into "sporks" you know we don't know who we are a spoon or a fork. I know what I am and who I am for the most part, maybe that is the right of passage of getting older, but I don't care as much what people think. It really cracks me up when someone comes after me with both barrels and expects it to get ot me and when it doesn't they get all upset. It cracks me up, just shows that they are shallow and can't accept anyone different from them. I accept everyone, I may not agree with everyone, but I will fight to the death for your right to speak freely. SO be a spoon or a fork and quit trying to be what Hollywood, the media, your political party or whatever tells you to be. Follow what you believe, stand up and don't back down.

It is amazing how fast this country is going to ruins. We are all embracing everything until we are all just one big dysfunctional family. I am one that will always stand for something, I was always taught if you don't stand for soemthing, you will fall for anything. I am neither conservative nor liberal, but is amazing how many people want you to think like them. They are funny people, they think that the wrold or the US will be fine if we just think like them. Wouldn't the world be awesome if everyone was alike, arrgghh.. what disgusting pace that would be. We are different for a reason, I want us all to live in peace but differences are what has spurred us to new heights. Healthy competition and disagreement is just smart. So to all of you who want me to think like you.. I am sticking my tongue out at you right now. Vote for Mitt Romney for president.

So I was looking at the paper today and it showed the implants for himans for credit card, employment and tracking. If this isn't the beginning of the end then nothing is. They well sell it as protectin and I guarantee we will be required to have this eventually to buy and sell. I also went to see Chuck and Larry this weekend and the whole gay thing was being promoted. Now understand I knew that the premise of the movie was two guys that got married, but they were pushing the whole agenda and trashing the Christian groups that are against this behavior. They also trashed the US for being too conservative.

I have been getting a lot of attention lately from the opposite sex. Must be the summer thing. I have to admit that I enjoy it, but have to be careful.

For many years I have been in search of an identity. I think I finally nailed who I am. I have tried to be a bad ass, a lady's man, a bar hound, a biker (poser, a sophiticate among others. I have found out who I want to be and who I really am, I am just a nice guy, a sinner and loved by God. No matter what that is who I am.

I was given the 37th Psalm today and I want to share it with you, it gave me such strength. I have been a very tough situation at work, if I don't go out drinking with my boss is very hard on me, he has made it clear that his expectation for me to be promoted or do well is that I party with him. I have fallen victim to it time after time. 1 [a] Do not fret because of evil men or be envious of those who do wrong; 2 for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away. 3 Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. 4 Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. 5 Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: 6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. 7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. 8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. 9 For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land. 10 A little while, and the wicked will be no more; though you look for them, they will not be found. 11 But the meek will inherit the land and enjoy great peace. 12 The wicked plot against the righteous and gnash their teeth at them; 13 but the Lord laughs at the wicked, for he knows their day is coming. 14 The wicked draw the sword and bend the bow to bring down the poor and needy, to slay those whose ways are upright. 15 But their swords will pierce their own hearts, and their bows will be broken. 16 Better the little that the righteous have than the wealth of many wicked; 17 for the power of the wicked will be broken, but the LORD upholds the righteous. 18 The days of the blameless are known to the LORD, and their inheritance will endure forever. 19 In times of disaster they will not wither; in days of famine they will enjoy plenty. 20 But the wicked will perish: The LORD's enemies will be like the beauty of the fields, they will vanish—vanish like smoke. 21 The wicked borrow and do not repay, but the righteous give generously; 22 those the LORD blesses will inherit the land, but those he curses will be cut off. 23 If the LORD delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm; 24 though he stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand. 25 I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread. 26 They are always generous and lend freely; their children will be blessed. 27 Turn from evil and do good; then you will dwell in the land forever. 28 For the LORD loves the just and will not forsake his faithful ones. They will be protected forever, but the offspring of the wicked will be cut off; 29 the righteous will inherit the land and dwell in it forever. 30 The mouth of the righteous man utters wisdom, and his tongue speaks what is just. 31 The law of his God is in his heart; his feet do not slip. 32 The wicked lie in wait for the righteous, seeking their very lives; 33 but the LORD will not leave them in their power or let them be condemned when brought to trial. 34 Wait for the LORD and keep his way. He will exalt you to inherit the land; when the wicked are cut off, you will see it. 35 I have seen a wicked and ruthless man flourishing like a green tree in its native soil, 36 but he soon passed away and was no more; though I looked for him, he could not be found. 37 Consider the blameless, observe the upright; there is a future [b] for the man of peace. 38 But all sinners will be destroyed; the future [c] of the wicked will be cut off. 39 The salvation of the righteous comes from the LORD; he is their stronghold in time of trouble. 40 The LORD helps them and delivers them; he delivers them from the wicked and saves them, because they take refuge in him. This is the word of the Lord that encouraged me.

I know you may find this a strange thing to blog about, but I want to write about fear in the face of faith. I am Christian guy, who believes in God and believes that God delivers us. I have a little legal case coming up, one in which someone is trying to get money out of me that is not deserved. One of those people in life that won't go away until they hurt you in some way. Typically I let God handle things and don't do much worrying, because I know that shows a lack of faith. I can tell I am still a little nervous about this one, even though I believe that God has it under control. I find that weird that I have faith but fear at the dame time. That is hard to admit, but I do have some doubts, and I don't want to doubt. Strange dichotomy I am and we are as human beings.

Well it is Monday after short week and little vacation time, I am back. I wish I could say that I am rejuvinated but I am really not. It is still a tired manic Monday here at the ol' plant. I am still fed up, but I have decided to kick it in gear and get going on the things that I need to do. Even though I feel pretty beat up, I want to get up a fight on. I am going to prove to these people that oppress me that I am too good for them to get to. I am going to press on with work, and with school so that I can get a promotion or a different job in a few short months. I got my grades for the semester in college, and I am now at 3.75 GPA, which is not bad for a white boy from Illinois. I am excited about the new semester that started and looking forward to my classes that focus more on my major. I have gotten all the business classes out of the way and I am now going into the Inforamtion Technology side of the degree. I have a about 2 semesters to go, I will be done in March 2008.

Did you hear about the guy that walked into the bar and ordered 12 martinis ? The bartender said wow, so what are you celebrating, the guy said, my first blow job. The bartender said, wow well let me buy you one too. The guy said naaa if twelve doesn't wash the taste out of my mouth 13 won't either. LOL

Well I calmed down a bit since my last little tirade. I get very frustrated with the world, my job and my life sometimes. I went riding my motorcycle for awhile today and it was really nice, it is very warm here in lovely central Illinois, flatter than hell actually. : ) Anyway, I went for a ride and got some gasoline, it felt really nice. I like riding because I get ladies looking at me, and it makes me feel good to think that I might still be a little atractive. I am no ten, but I have a wicked sense of humor, and that usually gets me in the door. : )

I so want to quit my job, I am so sick of the people at that place that I could scream. I am very unhappy and I need to do something else. I have tried ot go other places in the company, but I can't relocate right now and I am going to school, so I am into the company for tuition reimbursement. Damn I want to leave so badly. I had this guy that is supposedly a friend of mine that just blames every problem that he has on my team, I get so sick of it that I just want to tell his ass off. Well today, I left him a very heated voicemail and told him what I thought. It is ridiculous what goes on at that plant. No one take responsibility for anything, especially in operations, they are above it all. It pisses me off so badly that I can't stand it. They think they are above anything.

Who cares, this whole thing about the lucky 777 is so stupid. There is no such thing as luck, gimme a break, it is just another day. Last year there was a 666, next year it will be 888, so what ? It is part of our culture that gambling and superstition is something that drives us. We are so stupid ot believe that there is some connection of the numbers. It's just numbers !! Hey in May it was 567.. 05-06-07.. Who cares ?? Not me.

I am in drunken remorse this morning. I went out last night and tore it up pretty hard, I don;t understand myself sometimes. I know that it is bad for me to do, but yet I do it anyway. I ended up spending too much money and just going crazy. I have a hard time stopping sometimes, it seems like I have a few drinks and then it turns into 10 drinks, geesh. Anyway, I feel like ass today, but it is self inflicted.

I am just a neat guy. I am decent looking, and have a great personality. I am so awesome and incredible.

I can't wait until fat old guys are the in thing. I know it is coming around. I will be a sex god then.

I am so insignificant, I feel like a speck of dust. Just a grain of sand on the beachs of life. No one looks, not one, no one talks, no one stares, no one cares. I am just one of the many, alike in many ways and dissimilar in others. Just the sand sitting there, while the world above it goes on.

I wish I were more. I wish I were better looking. I wish I were slimmer. I wish I were richer. I wish I were sexier. I wish I were a better person. I wish I were in better shape. I wish I were someone else.

The anger inside of me burns deeply, but God gives me hope. There is no way that I could make it through this world if I did not have hope that God has me in his hands. I have made a lot of mistakes in my life and I am convinced that I would be dead or a derelict if it weren't for God. Life isn't any easier with God, but there is hope. Here in the midst of the trials and feeling like someone is out to get me, I know God is looking out for me. Right now I am a nervous wreck, but this will make me tougher. I am praying that God will make me tough. This too is preparing for something else and in the end I will see God's purpose.

The world wants to fuck you in the ass. I get so sick of everyone and everything fucking up my life. I have a car in the shop that is going to cost me $2000 to have repaired. I have already traded it off under the agreement to have it fixed, it was 6000 miles out of warranty and the car company will not do anything about it. Rumor has it around that my boss is trying to get rid of me that is always comforting. It is because I don't go out and party with him anymore, isn't that just great. Then to top it all off this week I get a summons from a divorce in 1987 twenty years later I am being sued for child support on kids that I signed over to her for adoption, never adopted, but the document said that I was not responsible for child support. There was questions around who the father was, so I thought it was best. So now I am being dragged into court after twenty years. Unbelievable. So trust me when I say life will fuck you right in the ass.

I am so sick of the radical factions of Islam and any other idiots that only wnat to hurt other people. What is wrong with these people ? They are in third world shit holes and they are wanting to destroy any peaceful people and force them to their level. They hate that we have success, and live in a free land. I wish we weren't so moralistic and just bulldozed the countries that support radical factions of Islam and terroism. Let me talk about the Iraq war now. What are we supposed to do there ?? I say just like I said before, take the country over, do it right, destroy everything in our path and take the oil. Damn right I said it, take the oil run everyone out of the country that doesn't want democracy. There are plenty of other shit hole countries with plenty of psychos that they can live with. If they desire to be under Islamic law then let them, but not in the country that we are trying to free. I am going to take stand against Islam, even the moderates or people that claim that they are not involved in terrorism. This is a cult, it is anti peace, anti God, they worship a false prophet and worship him as their savior or whatever. Hey I have an idea wait until Friday night when they all go to the mosque and bomb it. We are too moral when it comes to these lunatics.

So we have been interviewing for postions in my organization. I thought I had some value to my organization and they somewhat valued my input. Today I find out that my boss and the HR manager, extended an offer to someone that we had interviewed, without even asking me about the guy. I interviewed the guy for about an hour and just feel like it was a waste of time.  

It has been awhile since I have been here, with school and work it has been a real challenge to keep my sanity. I am about done with another semester, but wow has it been a challenge. I am looking forward to graduation, but have to make it until about Feb/March next year. I will have a degree from a great school and something to be proud of. I have been feeling a little creepy all day, it is o pretty outside and I don't fee like doing anything.

 This is pretty cool the river was flooded and this was the only tree that was green.